A few nights ago, after I kept going from Saugues, I ended up staying in a bed & breakfast, which cost me far more than I wanted to spend but it didn't seem I had any choice. I ran into the other couple I'd walked with before who continued when I stayed in Saugues and they told me tonight that I could have just camped at the hostel for no fee! Darn! But I was too tired, or just didn't think to ask because that possibility was not in my guidebook of places to stay and eat.
In the meantime, my pack still weighs a bunch and a big part of it is because I'm camping - the tent and stove and fuel for the stove. That, combined with feeling guilty over not having walked today, and not having slept all that well because my inflatable camping mattress has gotten a slow leak (and I have to way to repair it) have led to another crisis moment.
Just a little while ago I was crying like a baby, wondering what the hell I'm doing, I just want a vacation and everything is stretching out and it'll be another four weeks just until I get to the regular starting point for pilgrims, which means it'll be only halfway done...
And I just noticed a trend that this seems to happen when I'm camping, not when I'm staying in a gîte (which costs more), perhaps because there are other people around. Maybe I'm more social than I, or anyone else for that matter, has thought. I don't have to talk to people. I don't even have to feel like I belong - so far I don't feel like I belong, but that's probably just me.
Maybe the trick is just taking it one day at a time, not worrying about getting to Santiago. I suppose I'll give it another week or two, and if I still keep having these crisis moments then maybe I'll have to do something about it. Like coming home early. And if I do, hopefully I wouldn't feel too bad about it.
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