That was the kind of walk I like. And then I started to descend and I ended up catching up with the couple I left the hostel with originally. We passed through a little hamlet and the path became narrower, and rockier, and a steeper descent. So we went slowly. Those first seven kilometers were really easy. Of course, I didn't have my super heavy pack with me, so anything would have been easier.
They stopped for a snack, or lunch, beside a pretty brook just before the town, but I wasn't hungry yet so I kept going. And going. And going.
The trail continued to descend and still had lots of rocks. I didn't make great time, and I think I lost the correct trail at one point but still got to the next town where I had planned to have lunch. It took me much longer than expected and was after 1:30. I hadn't stopped at all other than for a few moments on the path and that was a big mistake. I was very tired at this point and it was still another twelve or thirteen kilometers to the town to which I'd sent my pack.
I was so exhausted in fact, that when I went into the first bar/restaurant I saw and ordered a sandwich, I also asked if there was a train or bus that would take me to the next town. There wasn't. I was on the point of deciding to just stay there, without my PJs (even though I did have my toiletries) but the lady who waited on my said something. I was tired enough that she had to repeat herself before I understood.
She lives in Saugues, where I was headed. And she got off work about 2:30 and was willing to take me with her and drop me off at the campground if I wanted to wait that long. It was only about 45 minutes and I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, so I agreed. I spent my time drinking the liter of water I asked for with my pâté sandwich, munching, and watching Psych in French (though the volume wasn't up high enough that I could really hear anything).
After she and her boss finished cleaning up, we left and I piled into her passenger seat with my daypack, hat, sweat-soaked overshirt and hiking stick and she drove me to my destination. She pointed out the trail along the way where it crossed the road she'd taken and explained that people said it was one of the worst parts of the hike because it's so steep, going up. I later heard the same thing from the couple I'd left behind (who finally arrived at 8:00 PM) and another couple of guys who are headed all the way to Santiago.
I felt both guilty and relieved that I didn't have to do that part and instead had arrived at 3:15. However, arriving early meant that I couldn't get my tent set up and really relax because my pack was in the office, which was closed until 7:00. So I sat outside and read on my iPad. Freezing. Because it's cold here and I have no sweatshirt.
Anyway, I knew I had to lighten my load even without the note from the guy who runs the bagage transfer requesting that packs not be more than 15kg. So I decided to spend today in the same place, resting as well as sending some items home and recharging the credit on my phone so I can actually make phone calls. Of course, my aching knee only added to that decision and also made it more difficult to get around today.
I didn't get to visit the museum I wanted to go to in this town because they don't open until June 15 but I did visit the church and accomplish my other tasks. Including doing laundry, though I expect my clothes didn't get all that clean because I was washing them by hand.
But after I recharged my credit and bought a calling card, I called my parents. I supposed I was just homesick because I'm in an unfamiliar place with no company. There was literally no one else in the campground today (aside from in another section that had a few trailers, but I never saw anyone). So I was sore and disheartened, and I called home... where it turned out to be just after 5:00 AM! Oops! But I talked to my parents for a while and didn't hang up with my mom until almost an hour had passed, at which time I felt a little better.
But this evening I have no desire to cook again on my camping stove. After taking a nap, I kept reading and finished the book and started a new one. The last new one I downloaded. And as I was reading I realized I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. At all. And not because I plan to walk with my pack after having lightened it, and setting out on my own again without anyone familiar.
No, what had me in tears for a minute or two was that I realized I'm scared. I'm afraid of failing. Afraid of not being good enough to complete what I set out to do. I hate that feeling, but acknowledging it still doesn't erase the sense of helplessness or hopelessness. I'm still afraid. But I will still continue, no matter how much my sense of being is screaming out at me right now against it.
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